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Happy 33, bunnykitteh

I'm thinking of migrating back to LJ.  I realize I'm a salmon swimming upstream, but fb is a.) filtering my distribution to a fraction of my friends and b.) filtering my newsfeed so that I see less of my friends and more ads and suggested posts.

And....too many 'friends' and not enough compatriots

For Softie...

The View From Here

Life changes have marked 2010. 

I rang in the year in San Francisco, living the fabulously single life of a middle aged gay man.  I numbed myself out to a lot of life's experiences.  I hated my day job, loved my weekend job as a massage therapist.  

In March, I got a call early one morning telling me my 21 year old niece was dead from a gunshot wound.  That bullet ripped through more than her skull.  

I woke up to the responsibilities I have to try to make a difference in the life of my tribe.  I sobered up. I moved.

Now, I turn my invalid uncle when he asks.  I put in a winter garden, built a hoop house for fresh lettuce.  I assembled a greenhouse for this spring's seedlings.

I completed my internship in a healing art.  I used these arts to help a man find peace and freedom in personal choice before he died.  

I opened a massage practice, where I'm struggling to break even.  I'm blessed to have financial support from my family as I offer them emotional and physical support.

I'm not sure that I made the right decision.  Life is very isolated on these acres, where spirituality means loving Jesus and nothing else.  

I'm an ordinary man, trying to do something extraordinary.  One small step at a time. 

I'm grateful for 2010.  I never saw it coming, and now I hate to see it go.

Oh hai!

Oh hai!
Originally uploaded by randypd

Open Salon literary folk of the now

They've met me as an out gay man. Now they are drinking. Tortured
literary souls.

She's welcoming me!

She's welcoming me!
Originally uploaded by randypd

I found this while researching Chiron's return.  It's a nice piece for meditation.

Taking a leap of faith...

So many exciting things are happening in my life. In some ways it feels like the last year has been designed to strip me of many layers of accumulated restrictions - self imposed and those laid on me by others.  Here and now, I'm pretty much stripped to the essential core and ready to enter the next phase of this life.

I've been approached to test my interest in becoming a massage instructor.  This is very exciting for me.  My 40's have been the Age of Reconciliation as I've come to truly value life affirming touch.  First, I had to recognize the scars from unhealthy touch.  Then, I had to learn to forgive my perpetrators and myself.  Then, I learned how to accept touch before I could learn to administer healing touch through massage and energy work.  Now, I stand on the edge of making a career of sharing the gift of healthy touch with like minded individuals.  

It has been quite a ride!

There are many 'reasons' why I may be disqualified for a teaching position.  Some are sound, like a requirement to work in the field for three years.  (I can claim two and a half.)  Others are not so sound, such as a Victorian attitude about the spa where I work.  Regardless, I trust the Universe to unravel this experience as it will.  I am simply here; ready to accept whatever reality arises.

[Thanks to those of you who encouraged me to restart my posting.  I've moved to facebook. I like the popularity of the site (who knew so many people remember their high school days?  I've been too busy living to hold onto those memories!)  But I like livejournal's more literary format.  That said, I can't quite bring myself to write in the literate style of Open Salon. I may soon pare down my friends list a la greenfairie with a respond or delete posting!]

Chiron returns

I'm bound for Vegas for the weekend!  Meeting a friend, and former lover, for a weekend celebrating life. 

**It's been so long since I've posted here!  Anyone miss me?**

Hafiz of the now


There are different wells within your heart
Some fill with each good rain,
Others are far too deep for that.

In one well
You have just a few precious cups of water.

That "love" is literally something of yourself,
It can grow as slow as a diamond,
If it is lost.

Your love
Should never be offered to the mouth of a

Only to someone
Who has the valor and the daring
to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife

Then weave them into a blanket
To protect You.

There are different wells within us,
Some fill with each good rain.

Others are far, far too deep
For that.
bunnehbear is loving life!


Hafiz for today...

A Barroom View of Love

I would not want all my words
To parade around this world
In pretty costumes,

So I will tell you something
Of the Barroom view of Love.

Love is grabbing hold of the Great Lion's mane
And wrestling and rolling deep into Existence

While the Beloved gets rough
And begins to maul you alive.

True Love, my dear,
Is putting an ironclad grip upon

The sore, swollen balls
Of a Divine Rogue Elephant

Not having the good fortune to Die!



I graduated National Holistic Institute's Massage Therapist and Health Educator program tonight...

with a second letter of excellence...

and honors....

and a student services award...

and an academic achievement award...

Yay, me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(there were only two special awards given, they both are at my house...I'm so touched!)

Thank you...

Transcendental moment

I graduate NHI a week from today.  It has been an incredible journey; at times I wanted to give up and other times I wanted to do nothing but be in class.

Tonight was transcendental.  Supine hot stone work was the topic, but I worked in aromatherapy and energetic bodywork with gemstones selected to resonate with the chakras (black tourmaline, smoky quartz, turquoise, bismuth, astrophyllte and apophylite.)  As I started working on my client in the classroom, the heat from the basalt stones enhanced the vibration of the gemstones opening my client's chakras to a level I've never experienced before.  She was ready, I was ready, the energy was flowing... 

Then goobers in class started banging roaster lids and laughing while they dropped stones.  Our sacred space was being crowded, so I curtailed the session, zipped her back up making sure her chakras were connected.  

After the session, my client reported tremendous energy shifts.  She said she felt her legs connect with the rest of her energy body in a way that rarely happens.  WooHoo!

What a wonderful gift the universe has provided!  I am most grateful to all my teachers, especially Marja West.  

Love and light, y'all!

edited for spelling errors found


Thank you, Universe!

I appreciate your abundance!  Thanks for sharing.

greenfaerie88 made me do it...

If there are (one or more) people on your friends list who make your world a better place, just because they exist, & whom you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

Flat line

This sums up my past two weeks rather well. 
If it looks like fun from where you are sitting, look again.

On the positive side (what there is a positive side????), I only have 49 more nights of class before I graduate!  Not that I have the energy to get there tonight, I'm afraid.

Life in the City

So, I'm back in SF.  And just in case I might have been confused, the Universe provided me with an awesome sight this morning.  As I walked from my car to my office, I passed a single homeless man on the sidewalk.  In his left hand was a bottle of vodka and in his right was a Japanese sword.  Swoosh!

Needless to say, I gave him wide berth.

Actually, the best return greeting I had was to be found in the eyes of my Castro neighbors who smiled at me as I walked to the video store Christmas eve.  I was attracting so much attention that I had to check my fly and make sure I wasn't displaying my pride and joy.

It's good to be home!

LOL catfish of the now!

LOL catfish of the now!
Originally uploaded by randypd

Bball game of now.

Bball game of now.
Originally uploaded by randypd
The opposing team has a point guard with my ex's name.

Jesus drives an SUV

Jesus drives an SUV
Originally uploaded by randypd
And he buys gas at WalMart. Woot!

Time travel complete.

Time travel complete.
Originally uploaded by randypd
Luggage escaped vortex and is still in Cali. Boo.

Good night sun.

Good night sun.
Originally uploaded by randypd
It's a short day for me.

I've been quiet about the tremors of flashbacks roiling through my
life these past two weeks. I think I was dismissing them myself until
they became moderately severe. To quote Jameth, "I don't know what
they are doing but it sure looks exciting "
I'm taking it as a positive sign of release and unwinding to come. Or
I've been reading too many books on fascia

Lucy's ready to get on the road!

But she's going to see as much as she can. Here's looking at you!

Winter Fly Over State Landing

I'll be visiting Arkansas and Oklahoma until Christmas Eve.  Pray for me!Read more...Collapse )
Each year, as I  return to visit my family, I find dissonance between who they think I am and who I know myself to be.  You'd think that after almost 50 years to get acclimated to the concept of my existence that things like communication and fellowship would get easier.  That has not been the case, unfortunately.  Instead, the older my family members get, the more they are locked into thinking in the old ways.  (actually as I think on this, age nor family has anything to do with it.....people don't like it when one changes.  Stay the same, dammit!)

Regardless of family attitudes, I feel bound to go visit because my beloved uncle, Robert, cannot walk or move his body.  He deserves a visit, and he sees much more clearly than his more mobile relations.  I look forward to seeing him and I hope that I don't cry too much when I must bid him farewell again.

I'll be posting photos as I travel...enjoy them! 

Happy Holidays, Y'all!!!!

P.S.  All I want for Christmas is for my families, blood and chosen, to see me for who I am and embrace what they see.  I'd love to move into a new year with the gift of open minds and hearts.  I'll be opening mine more when I return and celebrate solstice.  (Ugh, Solstice in Arkansas....I can pretend it happens a few days later, NO?)
Read more...Collapse )


View from here.

View from here.
Originally uploaded by randypd
I like this photo. It is a little disturbing.

Muni Noir

Muni Noir
Originally uploaded by randypd

Rob Brezney speaks...

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): After meditating on how best
to energize your love life, I decided to direct you to
this passage from John Welwood's book *Perfect Love, 
Imperfect Relationships: Healing the Wound of the Heart*: 

"Everyone knows perfect love in their heart, for the 
human heart is a direct channel through which absolute 
love pours into this world. At the same time, 
human relationships are imperfect expressions of that 
love. This creates a painful gap between the perfect love 
we know in our hearts and the imperfect, incomplete ways 
it is expressed in our relationships. When we imagine 
that relative human love should be something it is not 
-- absolutely unconditional -- we suffer disappointment 
and wind up distrusting love itself. We also hold 
grievances against others for not loving us rightly 
or against ourselves for not having won that love. 
This gives rise to a universal human wound 
-- the sense of not feeling loved for who we are."

Thanks, Rob.  This is profound.

A message from the Universe

Thanks to http://www.tut.com/, I've borrowed this image to get me going in this day.

I want this calendar, but will survive without it. 

Have a great day, peeps!  Lucy's at the office with me today, and she's getting beautified at 11.  Pictures to follow! (no pictures, please...botox swelling must subside.)

I wonder how much this line from the pants label influenced my decision to purchase two pair yesterday?


Hockey butt


Dim Sum soon!

Dim Sum soon!
Originally uploaded by randypd


It's time for another update!

When we last left update central, bunnehbear had an infected tooth.  After many antibiotics and hours in a dental chair, the infection is gone.  The interesting benefits of being infection free are stunning. 

That pesky ringing in my left ear that made it impossible to hear?  gone. 

That general lethargy with life's energy meter needle stuck near E?  gone.

I'm so amazed at the huge difference clearing this abcess has made on my day to day life.

Now I'm feeling good emotionally even when my body is tired (and rightfully so...bunnehbears make horrible mulitaskers...we need to hibernate, dammit!)  I'm finding that my mind is free to deal with situations that have been on the back burner of life due to my previous constant state of overwhelm.

Yay!  Health!

May yours be well!

Flyin mai colurs, flag is brokn.


What is says about you: You are an intelligent person. You feel strong ties to nature and your mood changes with its cycles. Those around you admire your fresh outlook and vitality.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.
Intelligent, but not smart enough to make a simple cut and paste work....arrrrgh...



Find it here: dubster.com/obamafy/

Pardon me if I'm behind the times, but this is new to me and I can't halp sharing!


Many of you know of my trip this summer to the Amazon. 

While there, I was immersed in a world of spirits and energies that I did not completely understand.  My journey was transformative and challenging.  

On my first morning in the jungle, I woke up altered from a fantastic ayahuasca experience.  My life was changed in many ways.  I'm stronger, wiser and a lot more determined to trust myself.  That first morning, I noticed something else.  I had a 'spot' in my sinuses that was sore.  I hadn't noticed it before, but there it was - fully formed. 

Months later, at a dental cleaning, I mentioned this tender spot.  Lo, I had an abscess that had escaped detection by the student dentist.  

Last Thursday, I had one root canal to drain this invasion.  It failed.  I spent the weekend in pain and swollen.  Yesterday, I had a second root canal.  The second procedure was progressing much like the first.  A lot of drilling, filing, and prodding; but no actual release of the turbid infection.  

I closed my eyes and quickly assessed what to do.  I did acupressure on my right hand, especially SI3 and LI4, focusing on separating what was mine (my healthy tissue) from what is not (the infection) and visualizing letting go of what I did not need.  These were big lessons from Peru and for some reason, they seemed to fit.  Within a minute, my student dentist had success in draining the infection from my head.  

I'm left knowing that this too is another example (with the horrible parasite I picked up) of shamanic darts and arrows hitting my spirit whilst I was in Peru.  It's been a helluva learning experience, but I have learned so much.  Maybe I'll go back next year!

The good news is I think I've plucked the last dart.  

I'm bunnehbear, and I endorse this message

I hate taking tests that are designed to reveal your 'type.'  I never get the same results twice. 

However, I stumbled on this website, http://www.typealyzer.com/ (hat tip: Andrew Sullivan)  

I'm ESTP - The Doers! 

What does your blog reveal about you?


Someone loves me...


If I wasn't elbow deep into restoring my mac from backup, I'd probably shed tears, but as it is I'm posting this so you can remember how wonderful I can be.


"Click...click...click...," said my car this morning when I asked it to wake up and move to the other side of my street. 

In human, click...click...click...translates to "Ha, motherfucker!  You're getting a parking ticket today or going to be late to the office." 

I chose the parking ticket today.

May all beings be happy.

Election Day

Here's a shot of me from last Wednesday's costume party at NHI.  Note: I'm sporting a No on 8 button. 

I don't know that I've ever had the opportunity to vote on an issue that is more important to me personally than Prop 8.  I've long avowed that life in San Francisco is like living a bubble free from the toxicity of homophobia and hatred.  Tonight, I'll learn just how small that bubble is.  

Acid reflux and anxiety will rule the rest of the day until the election results on Prop 8 are in.  Now if the Republicans figure out a way to steal the presidential election, I might just riot.

Happy Election Return watching peeps!  I'll be practicing a swedish massage sequence at school tonight, so no celebratory fun for me!

There's a worm in my Apple (iPhone)

For the past few weeks, I've been unable to sync the contacts on my iPhone without losing my saved directory.  Poof!  Gone!  All numbers not stored in Favorites, and all names regardless of whether or not they are Favorites or just Contacts.  I also lost the photos associated with contacts. 

I'm on an 'old' generation, non 3G, iPhone. 

Needless to say, I am none too pleased with this development.  I have a Friday appt at the genius bar to try to get something straightened out, i.e.  fix it, or replace it, MFers!  

Anyone else experience rapture amongst your contacts when you sync your hopelessly out of date iPhone?


East bay day

I had fun doing an interview with Kevin at kpfa studios. I don't venture out to Berkeley enough given how pleasant the vibe was.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.


Tell a story please.

Tell a story please.
Originally uploaded by randypd
It's listening.


I may actually have a date this weekend! 

It's been a few months since I've opened myself up to this possibility.  Yay!  bunnehbear found a bit of courage.

The journey from loving wholly and radiantly through the valley of broken dreams and hearts and finally arriving in the world of renewed romantic possibility has been arduous.  I tend to write it off as part of the territory that comes with being a middle aged, Southern raised gay man, but I suspect it has more to do with the layers of protection I have built around my tender core. 

Someday, someone will recognize me as a brother...

Here's to that happening in this lifetime!  For now though, I recognize this opportunity as being as fragile as these bubbles.

So does being more romantically inclined than erotically inclined (and a sports fan) mean I have to give up both my gay card and my queer card? 

View from here and now.

View from here and now.
Originally uploaded by randypd
Lucy is enjoying Indian Summer.


Originally uploaded by randypd


Originally uploaded by randypd

Here's what I've worked so hard for over the past six months, eighteen hours college credit in massage therapy and health education with a letter of excellence.

Last night was the first night of the second half. One down, seventy nine to go!

Graduation is April 8, 2009. Start saving for the graduation gifts now!


Thanks for the joke, Christian

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, who's hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Palin and her bid.

The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Palin is a 'Post Turtle'".
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle".

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know she didn't get up there by herself, she doesn't belong up there, and she doesn't know what to do while she's up there, and you just wonder what kind of dummy put her up there to begin with".


Graduating Class

Graduating Class
Originally uploaded by randypd
I'll miss these folks. Good times.

Friend of the now.

Friend of the now.
Originally uploaded by randypd

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